The lower-middlebrow reader.

Definition: Who /what is this species:

One who technically should not be having any views on Llosa or Woolf because he appreciates Tom Robbins, but one who has sniggering rights at that hot babe who is turning the pages of 'Angels and Demons' at Coffee Day (And why just sniggering rights, who can even walk up to her and suggest her a book. Umm, now let me see, Angela's Ashes? That would be a good one. Did so too, last week. It generally works. Note, DON'T suggest a Murakami or something, she will be scared away. On the other hand, if you, ladies, are suggesting anything to that hot guy with the John Grisham, I'd say DO suggest a Murakami. Nothing is a better stimulant than a really smart woman. And look, he would read that Murakami for sure, and it just might change his life, y'know).

Back to the topic, a lower-middlebrow reader is one who regularly looks into Jai Arjun's book reviews but is too filled with trepidations to comment lest he be swatted away like a lowly maggot, and who can only look at spectacular Kitabkhana with wonderment, and promise to himself that one day, ONE DAY, he will be able to at least attempt to appreciate the exotic writers with even more exotic names mentioned there.

Who could criticize a bit of Tokyo Cancelled, but nobody among the highbrows would care really. On the other hand, who can criticize Transmission, and people will rah-rah that bit. But don't you step out of the line. Don't you dare speak a word about Banville. You can talk about a hundred years of solitude or the unbearable lightness of being or even midnight's children, but only in complimentary terms. Sure, you have read them, everybody has, but are you qualified enough to pan either of them? Even mildly? Hell no you are not.

One who alternates between calling others pseuds and being called a pseud by others.

One whose admiration comes easy. Throw one Calvino or one Cortazar into a conversation and you have got yourself a fan. But of course you need to write like this to get a devotee out of the lower-middlebrow, and if you write like this .... well, in that case you get nothing. Remember, when Infy used to come to your Engineering college and none of the toppers got selected through the puzzle round? The concept's called upper cut-off.

So, that's me. Lower-middlebrow. Hi!

But if nothing, I think I can suggest to you, dear reader of mine, how you can move from lowbrow to lower-middlebrow really quickly.... Here, for your perusal:

The 'taken' road (i.e. the road that is not 'not taken')

• So you liked that book which was made into the movie where Audrey Tautou (who I will really marry some day) played Jesus's great-great-granddaughter... so now you should read a Frederick Forsyth
• Keep at it for a while.... And then move to Wodehouse.... naah, too easy. It's a crime not to like Wodehouse. I'm sure even the higher-brows like him too.... but read a few Wodehouses, just to get ready for sterner tests up ahead....
• OK, now let's get back to thrillers....... Happy with Forsyth? Dogs of War? Odessa File? Day of the Jackal?... Good.... Now the next step, read The spy who came in from the cold.
• How was that? Good, na? Next, The little drummer girl and The Honorable Schoolboy.....
• Good, you are nearly there now.... Know what, you are lower-lower-middlebrow already. You can discuss (or at least contribute in discussions regarding) the merits and demerits of Le Carre.
• Next? .....listen to me carefully now, this is critical .... Tom Robbins. Still life with woodpecker. Not too many have read it. And I'm sure you will love it.
• Next? Pause. A few more Robbinses if you please. Or go through the track you went through a few times.
• OK, good, a decent few Le Carres, a decent few Robbins. Chip in a Life of Pi and a Curious Incident... Now is the time for the next stage. Portnoy's complaint. Rabbit, Run. The world according to Garp. .... Go through the experience of Catch 22. It was painful for me, it might not be so for you. No please, no Ayn Rand or Catcher in the Rye. Every Teresa, Daniella and Henrietta has read it. You add no value to any discussions on this. And you are looking at saving time, right? Gotcha.
• Read some John Irving and John Fowles just to build on the resume of yours. At your present state of the batsman Irfan Pathan-esque literary glory, that should be quite easy.
• Next, move to Steinbeck. And you will like Steinbeck. I just know somehow that you will like Steinbeck........ And hey presto, there's a nobel laureate who you like and can atleast pretend to really appreciate.

And there you are, buddy, you are in my team now. You are lower-middlebrow, just like me. I might have gotten there earlier, but you certainly did get there quicker.

The 'bold' road- for the ballsier types only

On the other hand, you could read a Joyce or a Woolf (finish it, please.... I wouldn't know, but it might be worth it, or better still, it might really save face someday) and fake it all thereafter. Don't talk too much, the studied silence is worth more than a thousand words.... Just add once in a while in conversation how Joyce / Woolf changed your life. Memorize a few lines, a paragraph even. Quote them. In moderation. Other lower-middlebrows like me will take you to heart, none of them have moved to beyond 10 pages of any Joyce. I haven't.

Your pick. Oh, and don't ask me how I got to lower-middlebrow-ness (or lower-lower-middlebrowness, but I hope I've graduated). Long story. Some other day, maybe.

(Cross Posted here)